After a week of so-so restricting, I've decided I need a plan.
I need a firm and serious regime to adhere to, instead of starting my day without a definite maximum level of calorie intake in mind.
Restricting "into the Blue" has led to some fairly good days, where I stayed around 500 to 650 - but also to a major binge day and a few so-so ones, like yesterday.
I didn't binge yesterday, not exactly.
Rather, some friends of mine quite spontaneously invited themselves over to my place for brunch, bringing most components of said brunch with them and only asking me to supply a few more missing pieces.
I was thrilled about them coming over - they are wonderful friends, more so than I deserve really, for not being mad but wanting to cheer me up after I have pretty much hidden under the duvet, given in to depression and not answered the phone to anyone for weeks.
I was less thrilled about the "brunch"-part, obviously... I made a fruit salad and an omelet, supplied freshly pressed orange juice and a lot of low-cal snacks like baby tomatoes and chicory leaves.
Still, I couldn't get by eating nothing but small tomatoes - not only would it have caused attention, it would have been infinitely hurtful of me to reject all the food they made and brought for me, and to reject their thoughtful idea of a comfy and relaxed day of eating and chatting together.
So I ate - I didn't go overboard but I couldn't exactly weight and measure the food I consumed either, and with some of the more fancy stuff they brought I have no idea what the calorie content might have been.
Although I did try to minimize the damage - they ended up staying over til midnight, and at various points throughout the day the others would get up and get themselves a fresh plate full of left-overs from the brunch, as a snack, a late lunch, dinner, second dinner, whatever.
I, however, maintained that I was still full from the morning's eating, and politely refused every third and second helping I was offered after the initial brunch-period was over, so in principle I only ate once all day.
Still, because that "one" meal was a lengthy and copious one, I strongly assume the calorie intake was enough to gain, in the end.
I still haven't weighed myself yet - but from the way I look, I strongly assume it hasn't budged from the 60 or at least 59 I estimated it to be.
So, to get on track, I have decided to make up an individual plan for myself detailing how much I want to consume over the next 20 days.
It should incorporate a fast about once a week, as it has been too long since I've done that, but I'm not doing ABC or 2468 or any other existing plan.
I think I need to find something individual for myself that I can stick to right now, and that might provide results in the time-frame I have in mind.
Stay tuned, I'll keep you updated.
Tonight, I am invited to a party and will later go out clubbing with my friends, probably, so I have to take care to limit my alcohol intake (actually, I'll see whether it will be possible to get away with not drinking at all), and of course to not eat any party snacks.
I think it won't be too hard though - at the fist party, I will say that a) I have already eaten at home and b) I cannot drink too much because I will be going out later. Meeting up with my friends, the excuse will be that I already drank a lot at the previous party and am feeling rather tipsy now, so no more alcohol for a while, please.
... actually, I think today will be a good day. I also think this was a rather uneventful post; I do apologize, I simply had to think aloud and organise my thoughts on how I want to proceed in relation to food and weight.
In other, possibly slightly more exciting news: My mother called this morning, and actually apologized for her behaviour the other day, saying she should have perhaps been a bit more understanding.
She friggin apologized, people!
Knowing my mother, that is quite a big deal, and a rather pleasant surprise at that.
I'm deciding to feel happy about this, as despite the rocky nature of our relationship I do prefer to be on good terms with her.
Have a wonderful Saturday everyone, I hope you all get to do something you like. <3
Update, late afternoon of the same day:
All right, change of plans - I think I'm doing the ABC after all.
Two main factors were my inspiration in this change of heart:
1) I just read Bella's post, where she said she would be starting abc tomorrow, and it inspired me to go along (humans are gregarious animals, ain't that the truth..) and "inspiration" number 2:
I literally just met a "friend" I hadn't seen in a while, and he asked me whether I had put on weight.
... yeah. I think well can all imagine how ecstatic that made me feel.
So, I decided I need to stop dicking around and making excuses - a 20 day plan won't even cut it, I need to think way more long term than that and abc seems like a good start.
Plus, I haven't been doing too well in coming up with my own plan anyway, so I will focus my creative endeavors elsewhere and go with what is tried and tested in the restricting department.
It's settled; I'll continue trying to be good today (hopefully, 280 cals so far), and then officially get on the abc wagon tomorrow...
