You know how they tell you "Oh, even if you DO get skinny, that will not suffice to make you happy!"?
How they tell you that the perfect weight is not the gateway to the perfect life? That you need to see that skinny doesn't equal happy, that reaching your goal weight won't satisfy your craving to be whole, fulfilled, perfected, complete?
It's bullshit, if you ask me.
I have been there before - never as skinny as I wanted to be, never perfect - there is always room for less, how couldn't there be.
Still, I have been skinny-er before, I have been starving myself and exercising vigorously, and yes, I have been happy.
Hell, less than a year ago, I was ever-so-close to where I wanted to be with my body - I was thin, I was toned, clothes were falling off me and people were commenting the way they always do, with a mixture of awe and concern, of jealousy and curiosity.
"My, you have become ever so thin!", The Blonde Girl would say to me, and I would smile, all oblivious.
"Really? Hm, if you say so, must have been the fact that I took up running again..."
And she would laugh, unbelieving, flabbergasted "What, you didn't even notice?", clearly envious, so skinny herself, and yet in awe of my progress.
Those were good times, and I can honestly say that I was SO much happier then - not only happier; more complete, more in control, of myself, my life.
The "simple" fact of my body being closer to perfection made a whole world of difference in controlling my messed-up mind.
So there, I never want to hear those again, those lies of "It won't really make a difference" - It does.
If only I could get strong again, if only I could reach my goals, make up for the time I slacked.
If only...
Stay strong, and take those offerings of "wisdom" with a grain of salt.
Ahhhhhhh let's take this journey together.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree with you. I'm doing exceptionally terribly at the moment. Really. It used to be so much nicer.
So excellent, inspiring post. You rock.
I love your blog already! :D Taking those words of "wisdom" with a grain of salt...such wonderful advice. It's so difficult, so often, to remember that their "truth" may not necessarily be truth to us. I'm so impressionable, even now, so highly suggestible. I hate it. I hear them tell me that what I'm doing is unhealthy and part of me sinks right into it: "Oh, wow, you're right! This is bad, bad, bad, I definitely need to get 'better' before I kill myself with all of this starvation nonsense." But then...the stronger part of me...the part of me that strives for that elusive perfection...well, she's had trouble recently. But every so often, I find a blog like yours that serves to inspire me all over again. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting. <3
Stay lovely,
P.D.